Guest Blogger - Amy Swanson

I don’t have many memories as a child, but I do remember those sunny Sunday, Florida mornings, going to church, with my mom and sister. The songs, the games, the friends, the week away at summer camp with our youth group, where I accepted Jesus at 12 years old.

Shortly after, when I was 13, life threw us a curve ball that resulted in my mom moving myself and my sister across the country, to Middletown, CT. Away from my dad, family and friends. The circumstances of the time, added to my growing angst as a teenager, lead to some intense emotions I wasn’t prepared to deal with.

As an adult, now, I can understand why we made the move. I can also appreciate that it was the best for our small family. But, then, it wasn’t my idea of a good time.

We found Fellowship Church, petty quickly, from what I remember. Much different 23 years ago, meeting in that quaint chapel, but there was something familiar about those hard pews.

It wasn’t long, however, before I declined the Sunday mornings spent with my mother and sister. It was no longer fun for me; missing my friends, missing my family, missing the way things used to be (long before LP ). And though I now love myself a fired up Pastor Steve message, it was quite different than what I was used to.

Let’s fast forward the 10 years I spent drifting away from any relationship with God. Now, that can look quite different for many people. For me, it looked like chronic depression and substance abuse. It was a dark time in my life, so much so, 10th grade was spent on suicide watch and in and out of “treatment”.

I figured out pretty quickly how to play the system, so when my dad died in ‘99, (the summer I turned 17), I was in a pretty bad place. As I look back, not much to be proud of. Because of this, I believe it was the power of prayer, from my mom and grandparents, which brought me back, to the side of Life. Fellowship Church would be the vehicle that got me there.

It was after I had been a single mother for a few years, gotten married, and was pregnant with my 2nd son, that I found myself back at church. God was pulling on my heartstrings in a fierce way, leading up to that point. The emptiness I was feeling could no longer be ignored. God was slowly getting my attention, and I quickly recognized He was placing certain people in my life, in unexpected ways, for that very reason.

By that point, I had been at “the bottom of the barrel” a few times. Each time, God showed up and met me where I was. This was no different. It was the beginning of what’s turned into quite the spiritual journey.

Slowly but surely, as I got more involved with FC, my eyes were opened to the mess I had made. And it was a doozy. Only by the Grace of God, am I able to share that mess as my message today.

Have you ever started to clean something, only to quickly discover it was filthier than you thought going into it? That was me; layers and layers of dirt, found in my broken relationships, hurt and resentment, and lies from the devil, I had come to believe. I didn’t like what I was seeing.

I am beyond thankful God doesn’t look at the outside, however, sees the eternal potential. It was then, He began chipping away at me, and the mess I had brought before Him; one crusty layer at a time.

That’s one of the things I love about Fellowship Church, how imperfect everyone is! I never felt judged or out of place bringing my baggage through the doors. And the building certainly didn’t burn down as I entered, like some would think! Nothing but love, support and gentle guidance from my new friends.

As a result of hearing the weekly messages, serving as much as I could, and attending the growth groups, I had been compelled to continue praying for God’s will to be done, in my life. Little did I know what God was up to, at that time, but I did know I couldn’t do it on my own. And now I understand that we were never meant to! We’re all in it together, doing this thing called life.

I was starting to feel better than I had, in years. However, I continued to battle this constant nagging of unsettledness. Sure, I was nowhere near the mess I was, but that didn’t stop God from continuing to peel back the layers. I was praying for full healing and true transformation. It got uncomfortable, real quick! But God didn’t stop when it became uncomfortable, He was just getting started.

I think that’s where many of us fall off the transformation wagon. Moving forward seems impossible when you find yourself in a pressure cooker that makes your world crumble. That’s exactly the situation I found myself in. What did I expect? I was asking for the impossible in my life, and sure enough, God responded by moving the mountains... and you better believe, mountains aren’t moved without a little pressure.

The result of bold faith and bold prayers is rarely nice and neat! You have 2 choices, when you find yourself in the midst of these growing pains.... You can choose a no matter what faith, and walk through the fire, to get where freedom lies. OR you can choose to stay in the familiar, even panic and retreat in fear, from the pressure. By choosing the latter, we ultimately remain stuck and miss out on all the goodness God has planned for us (which happens to be bigger and better than anything we could conjure up!).

Fellowship Church played a key role in my walk THROUGH the fire. The serving opportunities, the relevant messages, the growth groups, the friends I’ve made, these things have made it possible to be standing here today. Victorious. You see, I made the conscious decision to choose faith, and continue walking. And that meant to keep going, no matter how hot or tough it got. But I wasn’t alone.

In the fall of 2014, October 3rd, to be exact, God prompted a layer of scales to fall from my eyes. That’s exactly what it felt like too. What stand before me was the largest giant I had faced, to date. I remember the moment, clearly. For the first time, I saw just how dysfunctional and abusive (emotionally/psychologically) my marriage had been, from day 1, really. I also saw, just how sick it was making me. I was devastated by this realization, especially since we were 2 weeks away from our 7th wedding anniversary. It caused a legitimate mental breakdown on my part. We had officially entered crisis mode.

Let me continue by saying this... no one is perfect. We’re really just a planet of broken people, trying to figure it all out, doing the best we know how. What I have since learned, is God really works in mysterious ways, to save His children. All of them. Hope should never be lost, in any situation. As long as you’re breathing, God isn’t done yet! That goes for you, your family and the people you love, as well. And remember, it only takes the faith of a mustard seed to move a mountain. Which is great, because that’s all I had, at the time.

Over the next year, life got pretty ugly. I needed additional medication, just to function. And by function, I mean not drive my car off a cliff. The tears, the anxiety, the hurt... I cringe as I write this. Again, I had 2 choices, cling to God and His promises, or act by my own power.

What my own power brought to the table was divorce, anger, blame, and hate, followed by running far far away. I was so confused. The one feeling I couldn’t shake, however, was that of needing to be sure God played a part in any decision made, before running for the hills (or in my case, Caribbean).

After months of weekly therapy sessions, numerous trips to my doctor, and confiding in friends, not a single person would have blamed me for leaving my husband. But, I needed to begin relying on what God thought and what He was saying. Again, that’s were Fellowship Church came in.

It was about that time I was driving home from an FC friend’s house. I had started listening to K-Love radio station as a way to drown out my own drastic thoughts, so of course, it was blasting as I drove. A song came on, one I had heard 100 times, but this time a lyric I had never caught before, stuck out to me like a flashing siren... it said “The Battle is the Lord’s”. God was reaching out to me, meeting me where I was, once again. He was speaking to me through music, through my Christian friends, and through Pastor Andy and his messages.

I continually prayed, Lord, if it’s your will, show me the way out! I want OUT! I remember meeting with Pastor Andy, essentially asking for permission to end my marriage. I was miserable. Even so, the open door, I kept praying for, wasn’t appearing. Even if my Pastor supported the idea of leaving a bad situation, I knew I couldn’t give up, just yet. So I decided, once again, I wasn’t going to move until God said move.

I was hurting. I was confused. I was under so much pressure; the screams in my head were deafening. It got to the point where I couldn’t even coherently pray anymore. My prayers had become the echo of my screams of frustration, literally. All I could do was cry.

I was in the deepest darkest hole I had ever been in. As far as getting to church on Sundays, it was only my commitment to serve, and run our coffee bar, that got me there every week. It was honestly a saving grace, because, in the past, my normal response would be to run. Run and hide. But this time was different. It had to be.

If you ask me, the best way to activate God’s work in your life, would be to simply show up. There are times in our lives that that is literally all we can do. The great thing is, God’s strength kicks in where our own ends.

Instead of retreating into myself and shutting down completely, God, again, was pulling me towards Him. Speaking directly to me, through the people at Fellowship. That never would have happened from under my covers.

Sometime in the spring of 2015, as the result of my continued faith and participation, God showed me what the next step was. It was after another conversation with an FC friend that I changed my prayer, one night. It quickly turned into another one of those moments I will forever remember.

That particular night, I was lying in bed, reading my Youversion App devotional. I started with the shortest, yet most powerful, prayer I have ever prayed. It was 3 words long. Words I didn’t even want to say. But God was showing me the door and I couldn’t ignore what He was asking me to do. So, as quietly and as quickly as I could (hoping God wouldn’t hear my words) I prayed, “Lord, Change My Heart”. Gulp.

What happened next, was nothing short of a miracle. This year long devotional, I had been reading for months, having never discussed relationships, proceeded to wreck me, by changing my heart, in a matter of 5 minutes. The verses I read that night answered my questions. ALL of them. I knew what I had to do.

Do you know what God told me, right then and there?? That I was Jesus in my home, and quite possibly the only Jesus my family would encounter. I was also reminded to love the un-loveable and share the same grace I had been shown. God then revealed to me, in His word, that as long as my husband wanted to remain married, it was my job to stay. God’s will for me was to be HIS hands and feet, to my husband and to my children, because, God wanted to heal and save them, too.

Woah. I had goosebumps from head to toe. I was so full of the spirit at that point, I ran downstairs. There, I confronted my husband, the guy I hadn’t spoken to over the last 6 months, outside of brief, manipulation driven, emotionally charged arguments... I told him what God just told me. I said, “I don’t want to be here, but God is going to fix us.” And for the first time, I believed it.

Divorce was officially off the table, and that’s when restoration began. Looking back, it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But through continued therapy, and Christian council found in the relationships and opportunities at Fellowship Church, this work in progress has indeed made progress.

Trusting in God and being obedient to Him, will lead to transformation. I’ve also learned it’s not just one area of your life He wants to transform. God wants to make you WHOLE.

Because of this, there are many more chapters to this story. Just like you, I am a continued work.

Here is a quick recount of how God has shown up, in my transformation story, once I let Him.... And it’s not what I expected.

Little did I know, at the time, God had brought me through the fire, refined me and strengthened me, for the furnace that laid ahead. This fire was primed to be even hotter than the one I had barely escaped, with burns still smoldering and beginning to heal.

But I didn’t know that yet.

Later that summer, upon reconciliation with my husband, we became pregnant. I was truly so happy to have been blessed with the baby I never thought we were going to have. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was good.

At the same time, God was using me in ways I never could have imagined. One day in particular stands out. As I was leaving VBC (vacation Bible Camp), where I run the snack station, every year, God placed me to again be His hands and feet, this time to a stranger. A stranger I would only know for about 5 minutes before she would lose consciousness and not wake up.

It was a devastating experience, for all involved in the accident that day. By the grace of God, I was able to bring comfort and peace to the woman, who had moments before, been nothing more than an innocent pedestrian... I held her and prayed over her as she lay losing her life on the hot asphalt, that day.

Upon returning to my post, at VBC that afternoon, I was surrounded by prayer and love from my FC family. When all I felt was confusion and pain, I was reminded that God doesn’t waste a hurt and I was ever so thankful that I could share God’s love with a stranger that needed it. I was equally thankful that my church was there to hold me, once again, when I needed it most.

It was a traumatic experience for me. I still struggle with the sights and sounds and smells of the day. But life moves on, right? The following week, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. It’s important to note, I was simultaneously in the middle of withdrawals and detoxing from medications that are harmful for pregnant woman and their babies. I had never been so sick in my life. Again, I needed to draw on the strength of Jesus, as I questioned the meaning of everything I was going through. Wasn’t it supposed to be getting easier, not harder? What was God up to, now?

I quickly learned the answer to that question. We were taking the long road. The road to healing and transformation that went to the core of my being. You know, the place that is heavily guarded by cement walls and isn’t privy to any one? Yeah, there. God wanted that place too.

The road got pretty bumpy. I was at my most vulnerable and trying to be a good Christian at the same time. I say that because we were then sharing our home with a friend who had his own fair share of issues. He was now living on my couch, sometimes with his son, and I could no longer cope.

Seeing and hearing my sweet baby’s heart beat made it all worth it, though. So, I did the best I could and extended my home to someone who needed it. But it wasn’t easy.

2 months later, it all came crashing down when the baby’s heart stopped beating and I began to miscarry. Writing this, I can’t even formulate a sentence to share what that did to me. So I won’t. It was hard. And as you can imagine, quite a test of our still very fragile marriage.

Honestly, the 6 months that followed are a blur. I had to continue reminding myself, through the loss, through getting laid off (yep, that too), through the confusion, it was and is, still in God’s hands. Once again, my Fellowship family has been there to hold me and pray with me. I’ve found so much comfort in those moments.

That was nearly 2 years ago. I lost my identity in that time, but God was wanting to show me who I really was. Who I thought I was, was now nothing more than a pile of rubble. It took quite the wrecking ball to take down that cement wall. And today, God continues to show me who I am, in HIM, as the pieces are strategically put back into place.

Today, I sit here, with my rainbow baby, a beautiful little girl, and my heart is full.

Is everything perfect? Far from it (that’s a story for another time). We’ve simply been carried to the next giant on the path. But we’re stronger and better prepared for it, having gone through what we have. After all, it’s in the valley where roots are nourished and an abundance of life takes place.

All glory to goes to Him as I approach this next season. God’s plans are far greater than anything I could have dreamed up, so I will continue to follow Him. I’m excited to see what’s in store. Thank you Fellowship for holding my hand through the process and teaching me how to choose HIM. Here’s to another 40 years of being the hands and feet of Jesus =) 

Unforgiveness ties us to a person forever. Forgiveness releases. 

I spoke a couple of weeks ago about the process of forgiveness. Click here if you didn't get a chance to watch it. I learned by going through a very difficult experience in my life that this is never easy. Upon sharing this tough memory of mine, I learned 2 things:

• Too many other people went through this abuse as well
• Unforgiveness absolutely wrecks us

I spoke to so many people afterwards and learned that a lot of them went through this sexual abuse themselves. Sadly, more often than not, it was internal (family) that did the abusing. Some still have to be in the same room with the ones who did this to them. I cannot fathom. Their quest to forgive seems immeasurable. 

I've read a lot about forgiveness recently. When we refuse to forgive someone, we still want something from them, even if it's revenge that we want, it keeps us tied to the person forever. Unforgiveness destroys a good life. Forgiveness creates it. To forgive means we will never get from that person what was owed us. What's done is done and can't be undone. But the result of forgiveness is freedom from that reality and the chance to have a future unaffected by resentment and grudges from the past. It takes the power away from others (the ones that hurt you), and we get our lives back. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred and the waste of energy. 

When we read through God's Word, we read of so many examples of incredible forgiveness starting with the most amazing one of all: Jesus. In the most horrific setting, nailed to a cross, beaten and bloodied, mocked and ridiculed, spit at and whipped, Jesus says, "Father forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." Luke 23:34. This sets the bar high. He's the example we should follow in our own lives. 

We left that Sunday with a call to action. We left writing initials of someone that we know we should, at the very least, start a process of forgiving. I hope and pray that all of you who took part in this are making progress. For those who were not there, who is it that you need to start forgiving today?

Easter in right around the corner. I have a list of great people (some of you are nice enough to read this) that I would love to join me at Fellowship Church for this weekend's Easter services. But I also have a list of great people that I want to continue to be friends with. 

It's always been difficult for me to invite my friends to church. In my head, I feel as though they're looking at me like I'm selling a time share or the newest pyramid scheme (or scam, depending on who you ask). Everyone is used to agenda. Now that I work at my church I still do not get a bonus for the number of people I invite to our church. My agenda sincerely is HOPE. This world is crazy! Honestly, look around. All of us are on a treadmill that has no OFF button. We are non stop. Stressed, anxious, and worried everyday and there's no light at the end of the tunnel...in fact, that may be a train. Where does it all end and how? 

I found a light at the end. I found hope. I found Jesus Christ (although He wasn't lost) He has completely changed my life. That may sound crazy to you (I get it, I thought all Christians were absolutely nuts once upon a time). 

So here's my invite to all of you. I would absolutely love to see you this weekend. 

It's an interesting question, but not a real one. Clearly, bald people are allowed at Fellowship Church. In fact, and my whole point here, is that EVERYONE is allowed here at FC. We are often asked these questions. "Can I wear shorts?" "Do you allow divorced people here?" or "My life's a mess, am I welcome there?" To all those questions, we answer YES. The reason we answer yes is because the One we follow Jesus Christ, would have said yes. Jesus welcomed everyone. Bald or hairy, shorts or pants, divorced or married, tax collectors, prostitutes, etc. You did't have to "clean up your act" to be introduced to Him but upon knowing Him, you'd want to! He changes lives. I've seen it all around me. 

As Christians, true followers of Jesus, let's not get in the way. No legalism, no judgement, just plain LOVE. Love people enough for them to know the love Jesus provides. He will change everything!

Easter is coming! What a great opportunity to invite all of the above, even the bald people!

We are living in such a dark world. We can all use some light.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it." John 1:5

My wife and I were very close to moving away from Middletown years ago. We heard enough things about the school system and the possibility of problems within it to really make an effort to live elsewhere. From what we gathered, some of the kids inside these schools were a little "rough" and we were concerned for the safety of our very young children at the time. But then it hit us. How are we solving the problem? We can go to any school in our country and deal with issues of some kind! No school is immune to problems. As Christians, we also thought how is this representing Who we follow? Would Jesus flee? Would Jesus avoid the possibility of a problem or would he try to be a part of fixing the problem? 

This happens everywhere. People leave when things no longer are to their liking. From the school systems, jobs, to even church world. I get it. I really do. But I wonder if some of us are leaving early. I wonder if God wanted us to stick it out a bit more. "Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?" Esther 4:14 Maybe instead of allowing the atmosphere to darken we become the light it needed at just the right time. 

"Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone's life. Be the light that helps others see; it is what gives life it's deepest significance." Roy T.Bennett

This has been a crazy season for a lot of people. So many have lost loved ones. Broken hearts. Many questions of "why?" 

Some of the lost loved ones happened to be only in their 40's....much too young to die. It had my children wondering if our time (my wife and I) was near. I had to assure them that this (dying in your 40's ) is not normal. 

One of my best friends lost his wife at the age of 43 last week. In my many conversations with those who knew her I would often hear, "Oh, I was meaning to reach out to her." It's understandable because we all do it. Our intentions are usually pretty good. We just always seem to feel as though there will be plenty of time to reach out. Clearly, this is not always the case. 

After every funeral we tend to leave with this intentionality to be a better friend or a better family member. We see the clarity of the brevity of life so we know that we have to be different. But then, a few weeks go by and life goes on. We fall back into our busy lives and our same normal patterns. Then another death comes with a new intentionality to be better. Repeat. Repeat. What's the definition of insanity again?

I want to be different. I know most of you do as well. I want to go beyond the call. I want to be the person who shows up. The one who gets it. The one who loves like Christ taught us to love. Like this.

Nobody knows what tomorrow brings but you are ridiculously in control of today. You have the power to reach out to loved ones. You have the power to love differently. It can start right after reading this. Reach out to someone today!

I know many people that cannot go to church on Sunday mornings. I also know a lot of people that don't want to go to church at all! This blog is really for those who cannot. For those who don't want, I hope that some day you will try it out. One hour, one day a week. Live music, a message that you can relate to, and great people to spend the time with. Oh, and COFFEE! Free coffee and snacks. 

 It had come to our attention at Fellowship Church that:

• 25% of people are shift workers, Many work on weekends (healthcare, hospitality and first responders, etc.)
• Sundays are the only day many people can "sleep in". 
• Sunday mornings have become more common for children sports and activities to be scheduled on.           

Everything seems to be taking us away from what was once the norm - church on Sundays. We knew that we had to do something about this.

Our biggest wish is to introduce this community to the hope of Jesus Christ. We know that if we can give people a new option, we can get some people who could really use this hope an opportunity. So we added a 3rd service at 5PM on Sundays back in October.  We've noticed a lot of newer people and it actually felt like a new church! 

As a church, in order to reach people we've never reached, we need to do things we've never done. We are so excited about this 5PM service. This is a GREAT opportunity to invite those that haven't been able to go because those AM commitments. In fact,it's also a great opportunity to invite those who don't want to go to church! Let them know it's different here! 

See you at 5PM!

Even as I write this, I am hesitant of the lens in which some will see it. I'll start by stating that the views expressed in this blog are solely mine, not necessarily Fellowship Church, although in my conversations with our staff and teams, there probably not far off.

None of us went to any classes or took courses regarding social media postings or texts. You do not have to have any degree or even be of a certain maturity in order to post anything (although many of us wish there were some guidelines!). We are all pretty free to post anything we'd like and some of us really take advantage! It's not like working at a newspaper and having to go through an editing team. You type it and BOOM, it's there for all to see and for all to have their opinion on. 

It's very interesting working at a church with many of our attenders here being on some social media. It's not uncommon for two of them to disagree where all can see. That's uncomfortable to me. I get it but I'm not very comfortable with it. 

What I've learned along the way is that what you say or post on your personal social media pages can reflect on your church unintentionally. "Oh, he or she thinks this and they go to FC. I'm not going there!" Can you imagine finding out that someone has left the church because of an opinion you had? 

I have a dear friend of mine who recently posted something that "got a little out of hand". There was a bunch of back and worth (wasted time), hurt feelings and it all stemmed from a misunderstood post. No one really knows where your heart is when putting something out there. There are assumptions and filters to which we see everything (fairly and unfairly). When I saw my friends post I knew I wanted to have a face to face with them. Not only is this person a friend but they are a leader as well. I met with them in person and talked it out. They saw my face. They knew my heart. There was no misunderstanding. We both left better. Face to face always lessens the possibility of a misunderstanding. 

For those of us that would consider ourselves Christians, our presence on social media really is an extension of our personal ministry. It can help or hinder our "influence". Influence here is not to build our ego, I actually mean kingdom building, telling others about Jesus Christ with our actions and yes, even our typed words. How often do you scroll past posts from those certain "Facebook friends" that you no longer wish to be influenced by or have your mood changed by? (You know you have them!) 

For me, I would never want my posts to affect the "influence" of the One I follow, Jesus Christ, my church or even my family. So I try to be careful. I try to see my post from other's eyes. My posts are honestly a highlight reel. Great wife, great family, always fun. I try not to take pictures or write posts of any arguments I got into, mistakes I've made or bad parenting days (plenty of them!). No, just the good stuff. I thought this is why there is a Facebook?!? "Best of" Rich Pancoast.

I would say when a desire to post arises, pray and keep it positive because your content is there forever. And if someone else's post offends you, DO NOT COMMENT underneath! It only lengthens the posts timeframe on your newsfeed.